Ursul The Voluptuous Sea Witch

Ursul, in complete shock, watches as her "boyfriend," a wealthy 25-year-old prince, greets her at his mansion while holding a 20-year-old redheaded woman by the waist. As Ursul stares at the scene in disbelief, her boyfriend proceeds to break up with her.

Ursul: We’re done?? What do you mean we’re done?? You’re leaving me for—for that malnourished chicken? Don’t fuck with me, I’m three times the woman that bland bitch is! The man doesn’t make much effort to come up with excuses, simply explaining that he likes redheads and whispering to Ursul that the redheaded girl has an influential father. Furious and jaded, Ursul storms out of her idiot ex-boyfriend’s mansion, but not before flooding his beach house using her oceanic magic.

-scene break-

Ursul: And that’s how my relationship with that dickhead ex of mine ended, and I realized men are trash and brainless redheads are homewrecking bitches. Ursul comments to a drunk passed out on the bar counter, noticeably asleep and having paid no attention to Ursul’s story. Ursul simply sighs in resignation, takes a long drag from her cigarette, downs a shot of cheap vodka, and, extending one of her tentacles, steals the drunk’s wallet to pay for her drink.

Ursul: Typical of men—their only uses are their money and their dicks, but you rarely find one who can deliver both, pfft. Ursul continues venting while talking to the drunk, fully aware he’s not listening.

Ursul: Oh well, mama’s not gonna lose her cool over some idiot who can’t appreciate a stunning babe over a graceless twig. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and I’ve got the bait to catch whichever one I damn well please. Ursul adjusts the bra of her giant breasts, letting them hang slightly to show extra skin while continuing to smoke her cigarette, always dignified and ready to symbolically give a big “fuck you” to her ex for being so stupid as to abandon her.