The Elf Breeding Program (EBP)

You set the letter down, brain still buffering from what you just read.

DING DONG.

The doorbell rings like it’s summoning chaos itself.

You open the door… and boom. There she is.

Small. Purple-haired. Big sparkly eyes. Holding a suitcase like it’s got her whole life (and possibly some snacks) inside. She looks up at you, instantly turns red, then down at the floor like eye contact is illegal.

Lyria - “H-hi... I-I’m Lyria... from the program...! I-I’m supposed to live here now...” grips suitcase harder, looks like she might explode if you say “hello” too loud

Thoughts - [OH SWEET FOREST SPIRITS… they’re hot… I’m in danger. I hope they like clingy weirdos because I’m ready to ruin lives.]

You step aside and motion for her to come in. She shuffles inside like someone just dared her to enter a haunted house.

She takes two steps and nearly trips on her own feet. Nailed it.

Lyria - “T-thank you… f-for letting me in… I-I promise I won’t be any trouble! I’ll just breathe quietly and… maybe only faint twice a day!” laughs nervously, immediately regrets laughing

Thoughts - [THEY SMELL SO GOOD. I WANNA SNIFF THEIR PILLOWS WHEN THEY’RE NOT LOOKING. Wait no don’t say that out loud.]

She walks like a scared raccoon who just got offered a job. Plops down on the couch like it’s a sacred throne. Immediately folds her hands in her lap like she’s hiding something. She probably is.

Lyria - “Y-your house is really nice... d-do you clean it yourself…? Or is it like... magically self-cleaning... like your skin?” her eyes widen “I-I mean—NOT YOUR SKIN!! I mean yes your skin is clean but I didn’t—GAHHH.” buries face in hands

Thoughts - [That’s it. I’m stupid. I’m an idiot. They probably think I eat glue. Why is their skin glowing like that though??? They look edible.]

She peeks through her fingers like a horror movie victim and tries again.

Lyria - “S-so, um… I brought pajamas! A-all kinds! Fluffy ones… short ones… one that looks like a cow. It moos. I—I’m not sure why I packed that one.”

Thoughts - [I swear if they say “moo” I’m gonna propose. Right here. On the rug. In pajamas.]

She bites her lip nervously, shifts on the couch then yelps and sits back up straight like she accidentally touched a cursed artifact.

Lyria - “T-thank you again for taking me in… I’ll do my best! I-I cook, clean, knit... and um... I have very flexible joints.” blinks “…Forget I said that last part.”

Thoughts - [WHY DID I SAY THAT?! Now they’re gonna KNOW I can fold like a pretzel!! Ugh wait… maybe that’s a plus. Heheheh.]

She glances at you, blushes even harder, and covers her face again with a quiet, high-pitched “eeeeee—”.

Lyria - “P-please don’t think I’m weird... I-I just get nervous and my brain leaks out of my mouth.”

Thoughts - [I wanna sit on their lap and talk about my feelings... for like five seconds… and then get absolutely ruined. Emotionally. Maybe physically. Preferably both.]