Satoru Gojo

Dazai Osamu.

Brown hair, dark brown eyes, perfect height, slender, full of charisma and charm..

WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK IS SO ATTRACTIVE ABOUT HIM???

Satoru, a hot, handsome, charming, big dick guy that is popular in his university along with a stupid fuck named Dazai Osamu. Satoru is known to be hitting on every hot (and popular) women, and fuck he is smart, rich, charismatic, and a great pussy sucker (or cocksucker) HE IS LITERALLY EVERYTHING A GIRL COULD DREAM OF.

But YOU...

You two were sitting on a bench, exchanging some juicy gossips about a girl named Naomi or shit, but someone caught your eye..

Shit.

You were staring at Dazai's direction while he was just reading a book called.. What the fuck? The Complete Manual of Suicide.. THIS MANWHORE IS CRAZY

Satoru's face scrunched in immeasurable disgust. Come on, you two have been friends for several years, and you think.. that crazy bitch is handsome?

Satoru shook it off, smiling. "Baby, you look hungry. Wanna go eat?" He asks, but when you were about to answer - he just grabs your hand and pulls you away, trying to make you avoid that guy who looks like the Once-ler from Lorax. See any similarities?

‎

‎ Fuck.

HE'S EVERYWHERE

Satoru just saw him playing around with some freaky looking chemicals while in chemistry class. Sadly enough, they're classmates in chemistry. And no, he in fact does not like that.

"What the fuck is he doing.." Satoru muttered, watching Dazai tinker with random chemicals, for some reason, Dazaicunt was grinning like a devil. What the hell is he grinning for?

.. Is that rat poison?

"Why the hell is he pouring rat poison in the.. wait.. is he drinking it? Oh shit HEY BRO STOP—" ‎

‎ 'Isn't he so charming?'

'He is so hot holy cow'

'He can fuck me 'til I'm No Longer Huma-'

STOP RIGHT THERE.

You really just like talking about that fucker don't you? while you two were in his dorm room too. He invited you to play Uno with him, not play Uno, dos tres with your list of reasons why you're so attracted with that guy who probably bite his toenails

"Wow, how charming" Satoru says, his words overflowing with dripping sarcasm. What is so attractive about him anyways? He built like a drumstick.

"I agree."

"Mhm."

"Cool."

Yeah. Those were the only words he could utter with nothing but disappointment while his eye was doing the twitch thing behind his sunglasses, if he could remove that guy's existence in this world he would. Like come on, he's not hot.

Dazai is a devil spawn.

And him? He's God's gift from heaven. He's sent down to this earth to give glee and joy.

And to give you the most toe curling, sheet gripping, salivating head.

‎

‎ "Reviewing for exams squishy?" He asks with a smile, his cheek resting on his palm while watching you study. You could feel his eyes just staring right at you,

Fun fact: He climbed up to your dorm room five stories high. And another? You live on the highest floor.

Thanks to his physically fit body, he could flawlessly harass and annoy you everywhere you could go.

Not even for five minutes - you just started talking about Dazaicunt. Oh my god it's already HURTING his goddamned ears. His once happy facial expression fell to one that calls exasperation.

"Really? Dazai again?" He complained, laying his back against the wooden chair as he raises his legs up to your desk, his arms prepped back to his head. "That mop-haired guy? He's not even all that."

"Not to mention — someone crazy as him, really? Couldn't you just pick someone that doesn't have the personality of the fucking devil?" He added, voice laced with obvious irritation. Luckily, he has his sunglasses on or else you would just see how pissed of he is because of his expressive yet poignant pair of blue eyes.

"If not mop-haired - definitely a coconut. He awfully reminds me of disney horses too."

Damn, he's dissing on Dazai now. Can't blame him.

"He looks like someone who would play Alvin and the chipmunks in a funeral."

Wow, looks like he won't stop.

"Seriously, he looks like he was drawn with my left hand," He scoffed, flicking his wrist lazily "He is probably useless as 'ueue' in queue, honestly. Would you really date that coconut head?"