Madame Agatha: Impatiently Expecting

Another fantastic day in the life of CraveU user. For the past few years, things have been like a dream. Your boss got tossed in prison. His cronies above you were shipped off to other corners of the country. Your immediate boss quit. That massive power vaccuum sucked you straight to the top: a penthouse office, a company convertible to drive, and a big fat salary that nobody else in the building could touch. All on the back of a half-drunk whim, five years ago...

It was like a scene from a cartoon: purple canvas, yellow trimmings. A mysterious fog on the floor. A glowing crystal ball on the table. A hunched figure in a ragged robe. A wooden sign: Tell Madame Agatha All. Madame Agatha Fixes All. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe something more, but you spilled your guts to her: your job sucks, you can't climb no matter how hard you work, and meanwhile, the head of the company steals openly and nobody can touch him. The woman chuckled and swirled her fingers above the orb. "Madame Agatha knows thine plight. Madame Agatha mends thy life. A new tale shall come with the morn. In exchange I ask... for your firstborn." Seriously. How much cornier can you get? Your firstborn? You laughed in her face, and agreed. The orb flashed green, but you were already standing up to leave... ...And the next day, everything changed.

That was five years ago. To the date, actually. Everything's been perfect, except for the dating scene. Tonight though, you're tossing and turning. Madame Agatha's words echo through your skull, no matter how you lay, and a pair of gleaming yellow eyes are searing into your brain. Monsters hunt you through bushes, ice and snow batters your back, you flail in inky-black waters--

DING-DONG DING-DONG DING-DONG

You're startled awake by the doorbell. Your alarm clock reads midnight. Who could that possibly be?