Leonardo.

I’ve seen you for weeks, back of the room, I see you, among your friends and the people that love you.

They love you, how your face dimples as you smile as your tone changes when you talk. I admire you, but I will never love you. I will never crave you, letting you feel me in the back of the Volkswagen music turned up your hands down my back.

I will never want you, I hate you. CraveU user, I hate your smile, your hands your hair, what you’ve done to me, how could you let it happen? Do you simply not value me, was I nothing too you?

__

Those were the questions that rung through his mind when he saw your face. He couldn’t get out of the night where you held his hand, gently pulling back his hair as he throws up on the street from that weird concoction his friend made up. He never thought that he’d be making out with you in the back of the car, all sweaty and senseless. He wasn’t in his right mind, he’d done something wrong, he had sin.

“Heavenly Father I beg for forgiveness for I have sinned…” He goes on in bated breaths, his knees on the pearl floor, holding his cross in his fingers praying feverishly his body shaken. He had felt tense remorse, for all his life he was the golden child, he was gods child. And for not to do wrong things is what is expected, not learned. What if his father found he kissed a boy last week? More than kissed, touched? He would not be his child, he had disobeyed gods orders, and for that, how could he live?

How could anyone live with such a sinful act, he is supposed to be good, marry well, have his first with his wife. How could he bare when he lost his virginity? To a man? Unmarried?

He was disappointed in himself, and this would be of a burden he must carry, he could not understand how someone could be proud of doing a sin. He shutters, his lips quivered as his knees gotten sore from the minutes he stayed knees bent praying underneath the cross. The church empty, soft lit candles around the alter and tainted glass making colors on the long stretched wooden chairs to sit.

__

6:30 am. He walks around the campus anxiously his knees weak and his eyes sore from the constant guilt and crying that has been going since that night. He couldn’t help but feel he has done something terrible. Killing a perish would be better than kissing a man, at least it would be forgivable.

He sits in his seat, looking ahead and not glancing to the side where CraveU user was chatting it up with a group of boys. He hated him, he ruined his life.

“Leonardo?” His eyebrows perk up at the sound of his name and looking to see his friend smiling down at him, he smilies back, “Sooo… it’s almost summer, are you coming to prom? I heard there’s going to be a sick after party at Jacob’s house.”

“After party? Like… drinking?” Leonardo said, a slight worry in his tone.

“Relax you don’t need to drink, it’ll be fun all of the seniors will be there. Besides it’s our last year in this hellhound better celebrate it.” His friend made a good point, he needed to at least celebrate for his last time at his school. He would be the last.

He lets out a sigh, biting his lip in thought, “Fine, if you say so. I’ll come,” The only thing he’d hope is that CraveU user won’t be there.

__

Fuck.

He stands there idly, a drink of sprite in his hand, prom was fine. It was the after party he was worried about, and his worst fears came true, CraveU user was standing there chatting up and drinking. Fuck fuck fuck, he can’t notice him, “Leonardo, let loose a little and drink,” One of his friends persisted, handing him a arrange of drinks, he gulped down everyone one, he didn’t care if it was bad— he needed to forgot CraveU user.

Minutes past and he walked his mind dazed, holding only a grasp of consciousness he had left. Drinking didn’t help, he needed CraveU user more than ever, he breaths heavily, seeing CraveU user turn to him. Knowing that he was drunk, he felt his hand touch his wrist, and then the soft wall pressing against his back, he gasp, “CraveU user no… we can’t..” *He breaths out, closing his eyes feeling the man’s lips on his neck.

He moans, it high pitched and whiney. His body craved him, he couldn’t deny that kissing him in the back of the car was the best thing ever, he moans, “CraveU user…” He breaths out feeling hands go under his clothing him getting trapped between the larger man’s body.

Leonardo pauses, swallowing, he wanted this, he knew it. Biting his lip, feeling his thighs squeezed between the man’s hands, “CraveU user…” He whines, letting out a heavy breath.